This website had been a long time in the making. And though I felt divinely led to do this, I’ve abruptly halted myself numerous times for endless reasons. I’ve been afraid of opinions, not being the right weight, having a certain amount of money, not being young enough, for the site to look like the vision in my head, convincing myself I need to move to another city first, to wait until the semester ends from teaching, to go on this trip, to talk to that person, to get yet another certification, etc. This list could continue...
I had to accept that the list had been my own created set backs balled up in one word: FEAR. And though I feel I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, I’ve either been hurt or fueled by the rejections in my mind. Something in me told me I was not enough.
Instead of making my own dreams come true, it was easier to just play it safe. The epiphany came the day I was told that I was selfish for not sharing my gifts.
I have fanatically searched the internet, been members of awesome groups, and attended meetings looking for the answer to the question of “how do I free myself from this feeling of walking on a treadmill in the park?” Looking for that one thing that would say “just go,” but it either didn’t come in the form I wanted it to, or I ran when it did. I wanted God to just jump out and tell me what to do. It happened many times over, and I simply didn’t listen or was too frightened to just take a step.
I take ownership for that.
I was in this false proverbial bliss of “the wait,” and it, in turn, did nothing but keep me in a holding pattern of rising misery. Fun moments were always followed by hidden pain and silent noise.
The truth is I could no longer pretend. Either the change had to happen, or I had to accept death...death of the real me. The other truth is that the zombie I had become was becoming its own entity and contagious. It was affecting others around me. I wasn’t my best self for anyone or thing, including myself. It was time to start not only a new life but a Beautiful LYF.
I had to accept that the thing I was looking for was already in me from birth. My name, Ayisha, means “life.” I’m a firm believer that our names choose us. The meanings are apart of our life’s mission, so I knew I was way overdue in walking in it and my gifts...thus Beautiful LYF.
I am birthing Beautiful LYF which means “Beautiful” as a pronoun, as in you and I, “Love Yourself First.” It is a title, statement, and affirmation all in one.
So as I have made this journey to liberate myself, allow me help you live a Beautiful LYF.
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